What Does 2011 Have in Store?

Friday, January 7, 2011

Page 11

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

What Does 2011 Have in Store?

By J’AMY PACHECO

I knew 2011 was off to a questionable start when my dog woke up sick on New Year’s Day. Responding to her whining in the wee hours of the morning, I was quite surprised to see her race out the door into the cold, pitch black night. I was even more surprised by what she did out there. I won’t go into details, but the net result was that both she and the patio needed baths afterward.

Nothing says “Happy New Year” like…er…that.

Our roof started leaking before Christmas. We had it repaired as soon as the rain stopped—only to discover it was still leaking in the new year. I didn’t feel too badly about that, however; many of my neighbors also had roofers at work, or plastic tarps spread over their roofs. Apparently it was an epidemic.

Speaking of epidemics, I managed to pick up a pre-Christmas bug that still has me coughing and sniffling a week into the new year. I’m not happy about it, but hey—it’s better than what the dog had.

So although it’s only been a few days, I’m starting to wonder just what 2011 has in store for me.

Especially since my internet service provider has decided that I’m a spammer and won’t let me send any e-mail. It started with a simple e-mail sent to my sister, who had asked if I had any tips to help with a video game she and my daughter both received for Christmas.

I typed up the few tips I had and sent off the e-mail. Before I could even blink, the e-mail was rejected by my Internet provider. A second attempt met with the same result, so I asked my stepmother to let my sister know why I wasn’t answering her. That e-mail was also returned, with the same message: “The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam.” It provided the address for an Internet site that was supposed to answer all of my questions about spam.

Unfortunately, it didn’t answer the most important questions, which were, “Why are my e-mails to family members looking like spam to you?;” “How in blazes do I fix this?” and, “What kind of meat is Spam really made of?”

Since my provider’s third-party spam service doesn’t respond to e-mails, I initiated a live chat with technical support. Technical support was a guy named “Amitesh,” who started our chat with this line: “I would request you to provide the following information…”

Within moments, our chat was disconnected…by my service provider. Go figure. I never did hear from Amitesh again. As I write this column, I’m having to send all my e-mails through Yahoo. I never thought I’d write these words, but thank goodness for Yahoo e-mail.

I decided to take a break from my e-mail issues and run to the grocery store for Diet Coke. Diet Coke is like coffee to me; I wake up wanting the stuff. If someone told me there was something addictive in it, I wouldn’t argue—such is my longing for Diet Coke in the morning. And I was out of it.

Imagine my surprise at discovering there were no individual bottles of Diet Coke on my grocery store’s shelves. There were plenty of cans, but I’m pretty particular about the form my Diet Coke takes. Cans don’t taste the same, and they can’t be re-sealed. Nope, only a 16.9 fluid ounce plastic bottle satisfies my cravings.

There were none to be had. A manager asked if I was finding everything, and I assured him I was not. He searched the store and discovered there weren’t even any loose bottles in the coolers by the check-out lines.

A store running out of Diet Coke is, to me, like a restaurant running out of salt. It’s a staple—something you just don’t run out of. Of course, I was once in a Massachusetts coffee shop that ran out of ketchup. When I teased the waitress about it, she said, “You should have been here last week when we ran out of coffee.”

I kid you not—a coffee shop ran out of coffee. My mom was there, and will back up my story. Apparently, it happens.

Seeking fresh-baked bread in the deli section, I stumbled across a single 8-pack of tiny plastic bottles of Diet Coke. I was overjoyed, until I noticed the bottles were dusty. Further examination revealed the bottles were past their “best by” date. Sadly, I turned them over to the manager who, I suspect, was happy to see me leave.

Is this what 2011 is going to be like? Or am I just getting all of the annoying stuff over with in the first week of the year?

Only time will tell…