Flight Attendant Goes Out in Style

Friday, August 13, 2010

Page 15

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

Flight Attendant Goes Out in Style

By J’AMY PACHECO

Talk about going out in style.

I recently read an article about an airline flight attendant who was apparently fed up after being cursed at by a passenger and hit in the head by that same unmanageable passenger’s prematurely-retrieved luggage.

If the article I read was correct, the flight attendant grabbed the microphone, reciprocated verbally and publicly; grabbed a beer from a drink cart and used the emergency chute to make a grand escape.

It’s the stuff of legends.

Do I think the guy made a good choice? Nah. As I understand it, the police showed up at his home to talk about the incident, and he may be on the hook for the significant cost of replacing the emergency slide.

Since these are the folks responsible for maintaining order at 30,000 feet, nobody wants to think of a flight attendant losing control. It’s a pretty sure bet his lengthy career is over.

Of course, I can’t help wondering what happened to the unruly passenger who is said to have defied the attendant’s orders to remain seated until the plane had safely stopped. I’d like to think somebody with a badge was waiting for him, too, and that the flight attendant will seek some kind of satisfaction if the suitcase-to-the-head description is accurate.

I suspect the flight attendant will achieve some level of folk hero status for his newsworthy departure. Who hasn’t been frustrated enough to want to do something crazy like that at some point?

Decades ago, I quit a job in an unconventional fashion. I’d only been on the job about six weeks, and I wasn’t very happy. I had a subordinate who didn’t really seem to do any kind of work, and a boss who wouldn’t do anything about it.

There’s a lot more to it, but we were all together on a business trip in Massachusetts when I decided I’d had enough and pulled the chute, so to speak. I left a note for the boss at the front desk of our hotel and hitched an early morning ride on an airport shuttle. I cleaned out my desk and dropped off a resignation letter that night, depositing my office key in a drop box.

It made a bit of a splash, but I never looked back—not even weeks later when a colleague phoned to let me know my former boss had left his wife and brand new baby for the subordinate.

Not exactly the stuff of legends, but I certainly felt vindicated.

There is no shortage of advice on the Internet about how to quit a job on a grand scale. One video I watched showed a guy walking into his workplace cafeteria with a boom box, the theme from “2001: A Space Odyssey” blaring. When the song reached its peak, the guy tore open his shirt to reveal the words, “I Quit” taped on his chest.

That one ended a lot like the flight attendant’s story—with guys wearing badges in pursuit. Whether true or fake, it was pretty funny.

There are other ways to go out in style—like with your pockets full of taxpayer dollars, such as the city officials who have been called on the carpet in Bell, Calif. Talk about newsworthy!

Another way to go out in style is in the back of a paddy wagon, like so many corrupt politicians eventually are.

I think the worst way to go out has got to be carried on the waves of an involuntary media storm like Mark Hurd, the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard. I’m still not exactly sure what he did wrong, but I sure do know he’s out in a big way!

Unfortunately, I don’t think the flight attendant who bailed with the beer had time to think through his exit strategy.

If it was me, I’d claim temporary insanity and blame the passenger-inflicted head injury. Then, I’d go talk to Letterman, Ellen, Oprah, and anybody else who wanted to hear my nutty story while people were still discussing it at office water coolers and in airport lounges.

Next, I’d gather up all of the weird experiences I’m sure to have had during 28 years in the airline industry, and write a tell-all book. I’m pretty sure it would make the Kindle bestseller list.

Finally, I would take all the money I’d earned from talking and writing about the experience and go live out my life in some lovely tropical place—in style.