The Dating Game

Friday, June 4, 2010

Page 15

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

The Dating Game

By J’AMY PACHECO

“Don’t bring home dumb guys.”

That was the thoughtful advice my dear husband gave our 14-year-old daughter when the subject of dating came up in the car a few days ago. Needless to say, the rest of the drive was spent with a silent, seething teenager in the back seat.

It’s not the first time the subject of dating has come up. For years, my daughter has been telling me stories of classmates who are “going out.”

My question has always been, “How in the heck can they be going out when neither of them has wheels or a driver’s license?” She usually rolls her eyes at my ignorance.

As far as I can tell, “going out” today is what “going steady” was when I was too young to drive or date. I remember having a profound crush on a boy named Jackie in sixth grade. I thought he was dreamy, because that’s how we thought about cute boys in the Brady Bunch era.

A girl named Brenda and I competed daily for Jackie’s attention. I’ll never forget the day she approached me on the playground, flashed a ring and said they were “going steady.” My heart broke.

I still have my class picture from sixth grade, and I have to say, I am SO glad he chose Brenda. If not, I’d probably have kids with buck teeth and Dumbo ears, because that’s what Jackie has in the picture. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I didn’t get my first boyfriend until ninth grade. That was still junior high, and I was thrilled when a boy named Mark asked me to go steady. He even gave me a silver-plated bracelet engraved with my name.

It didn’t last very long, though, because I refused to kiss him. That bracelet ended up back in his hand so fast that he never knew what hit him.

About an hour later, he started going steady with a girl named Mona. I remember seeing the two of them walking through the cafeteria, each with one arm around each other; their other arms in front with their hands clasped. They looked like tango dancers, only without the cool costumes.

I was glad to be rid of him.

Now that she’s headed for her freshman year of high school, my daughter wants to know when she’ll be allowed to date. At the moment, my answer is, “After you are awarded a scholarship to USC.”

OK, so part of my reluctance is the fact that the girl has lofty goals. She’s going to have to put in some serious study time to achieve them. Since she’s picked the Neiman Marcus of colleges, she’s going to have to pursue scholarship opportunities, too.

But my reluctance is also based on a mother’s common sense. When we pulled up to the high school for the orientation, there were athletes practicing on the field. Those high school athletes looked like adult males. Grown-ups. Men.

I nearly had a heart attack.

No way is my baby girl going on a date with a man. I don’t care if he’s still in high school.

Besides, 14 is too young to date, even if the guy isn’t yet getting a mustache shadow.

I think, though, that my husband and I are going to have to brace ourselves for at least group outings that include boys. Boys with good grades, anyway.

My husband’s insistence on smart guys may seem like a terrible bias. It’s true that he wants her to end up with someone who will be not only a reliable wage-earner, but also her intellectual equal.

I think the real reason, though, is that a boy who is busy earning good grades is probably going to be responsible—and too busy to go out very often.

It’s hard to see boys from her school now and not think, “Holy cow. That kid could be my son-in-law one day.” Oh, boy, I am so not ready to face that.

My only hope is that when she—and we—are ready for the dating game to start, she finds nice boys who will treat her well and who won’t make me want to drive over them in my car.

Because I would.

I know some of them will be not so bright, and others may have buck teeth and Dumbo ears. Some will, I hope, have good grades, clean driving records and common sense.

And if Mr. Right has a scholarship to USC—well, it’ll be a match made in Heaven.