Flying High on the Winds of Change

Friday, November 7, 2008

Page 11

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

Flying High on the Winds of Change

By J’AMY PACHECO

I’m so excited!

America has a new president coming on board, and I can hardly wait. Just a few hours after Barack Obama’s election victory became public knowledge, I read that the president-elect was busy deciding who he was going to appoint to help him through his presumably difficult days as president of these United States.

I can’t wait for his call.

The way I see it, Barack Obama needs me to fill a very important role – that of Minister of Entertainment.

Since this would be a new post, most people probably have no idea what I would be doing.

It’s like this: life in America is pretty serious these days. Crises abound, from those involving mortgages, stocks and banks to unemployment, war, terrorism fears, and – well, I think it’s pretty clear that things aren’t looking too good.

People just aren’t having any fun, and we need to fix that. Now that the all-too-serious election is over, it’s time to look ahead to sunnier days and happier Americans. Somebody’s got to be in charge of that, and I vote for me.

I’d start by offering everyone a free annual pass to a major theme park. In Southern California, where I live, that would be Knott’s Berry Farm.

(Ordinarily, I’d suggest Disneyland, since it’s the Happiest Place on Earth. But Disneyland is MY happy place, and I don’t want all those unhappy people filling up my park.)

Anyway, there aren’t too many things more fun than spending a day or 364 with friends and family at a theme park, so I think that would help a great deal.

I’d also like to propose we observe “National Dress Like a Dork” day. My daughter has great fun participating in events like that at school, and I always get a kick out of helping her select her outfits. Who wouldn’t smile while wearing unmatched socks and shoes, or inside-out clothing?

Speaking of school – many communities observe an annual “Take Our Daughters to Work Day.” Why not shake things up with a “Send Our Parents to School Day?” Grownups could blow off work for a day to sit at little desks, have milk and naps in the afternoon, play on the playground, and have a nice teacher read aloud the kindergarten adventures of Junie B. Jones. Who wouldn’t smile at that?

I propose television networks air only comedy shows for the first 100 days of Obama’s presidency. With the scrutiny that usually takes place during a president’s first 100 days, I suspect even the big guy will have a hankering for some laughter before too long.

Radio stations will be required to play peppy, upbeat tunes like Taylor Swift’s “Our Song,” or Katrina and the Waves’ “Walking on Sunshine.” No lover’s lament; no songs about dying, breakups or cheatin’ hearts – at least until America is a more euphoric place.

I’d like to see communities organize monthly midnight pajama bowling parties. Since I participate in a midnight pajama bowling tournament every summer during a convention I attend, I can personally attest to how much fun this is, and how hard it is to be unhappy when surrounded by bowlers in pajamas. For added levity, all pajamas must have something to do with an animated character.

There should be a national homework moratorium for every middle school student. Middle school kids are never happy about homework (and rarely about anything else), and unhappy kids make unhappy parents.

I’d bring back Bill Watterson and his hilarious comic strip, “Calvin & Hobbes.” Everybody I knew in the 80s had newsprint strips of Calvin and his fuzzy tiger pinned up somewhere in their cubicle, and I don’t know anybody who didn’t laugh at the little guy. Watterson could re-retire after America was laughing again.

I’d offer everybody nationally-subsidized subscriptions to Disney’s ToonTown game, so people could work out whatever aggression they had left throwing pies at and dropping ocean liners on the bad guys.

Obama promised change – and so should we. We should all save our change, then give it to local schools. It’s hard to be happy when students are sharing books and teachers are begging for basic supplies. We can be the instruments of change!

I’ve got the plan and the enthusiasm, and I’m ready to serve.

Now all I need is for the phone to ring…