Hurricane Lauren Hits the Coast

Friday, September 5, 2008

Page 15

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

Hurricane Lauren Hits the Coast

By J’AMY PACHECO

We don’t get many hurricanes out here in California. It was, therefore, somewhat surprising when Hurricane Lauren blew into town.

Unlike the hurricanes and tropical storms currently panicking states to the left of us, Hurricane Lauren originated in a hospital. She was born five and a half years ago, the first child for my brother and his wife.

I initially met Lauren when she spent a night at my house as a newborn. I remember two things about that night – Lauren wouldn’t sleep unless she was on my chest, and our Winnie-the-Pooh clock sang the “Rumbly in my Tumbly” song ever hour on the hour. I couldn’t get up to turn it off, because I had a baby on my chest.

Weekends with Lauren were always filled with adventure. She started walking at nine months, and started running at nine months and a day. Keeping up with her was almost impossible.

One of her favorite things to do at Tita J’Amy’s house involved climbing the stairs to the first landing, and leaping off without regard for the distance or the hardness of the flooring below. When we blocked off the stairs using her travel crib, she figured out how to climb over it. Yikes.

She was adventurous at home, too. My brother once sent an e-mail with the subject line: “The Jungle Book: Home Edition.” His text said simply, “What Mowgli does in the city.” I opened the photo attachment to see that Lauren had placed her hands and feet on each side of a doorway and climbed to the top where she hovered, looking incredibly like the famous jungle boy.

I confess I didn’t always understand Lauren. For a while, she spoke gibberish. It wasn’t until much later that I figured out her “language” was a result of her formulating thoughts that were too complex for her limited vocabulary.

But she did try to communicate. I’ll never forget one visit when she stood at my front window, pointing outside and saying, “Hi Da Da? Hi Da Da?” She wasn’t even two, but even I could understand she wanted her daddy to come back.

She was reading by the age of three – a fact my brother discovered when they went out to dinner and she read the words on the sign: Pizza Table Round. It was backward, but still amazing.

She’s always had an extraordinarily strange sense of humor. For example, my brother recently related a story in which Lauren stood in front of the television doing things like jumping up and down and spinning.

“Dad!” she would wail. “You pushed the ‘spinning’ button! Push the ‘stop’ button!” After he’d accidentally pushed spin, stop, bounce, sing and burp, she suddenly flung her dress over her head and started dancing.

“Oh, no!” she cried. “You pushed the ‘Underwear Polka’ button!” Let’s face it, kids don’t come much crazier than that.

She’s almost always good for entertainment. A few weekends ago, she monopolized the karaoke machine at my house, singing along to her dad’s guitar playing.

“Come on everybody, let’s tear this place down,” she shouted. “Put your hands up, and clap your arms.” Even I know that it’s impossible not to have fun while clapping your arms. She was so entertaining that if I’d had a cigarette lighter, I would have been holding the flame overhead.

This week, Hurricane Lauren started kindergarten. I suspect her teachers are going to be as surprised – and hopefully, entertained – as the rest of us. In terms of learning, I’m guessing she could skip right over kindergarten and head straight for first grade. But kindergarten is the place of story time on the rug, spider hats for Halloween, macaroni art, Green Eggs and Ham, and cupcakes for every kids’ birthday. Nobody should ever skip kindergarten.

I had the good fortune to get to talk to her by cell phone on her first day of school.

“Tita J’Amy!” she shouted. “They have toys here!” I don’t think any kindergartner was ever more excited to start their formal education. Parents were asked to stay for three hours to help their children finish some tasks involving cutting and coloring. While some parents fretted over the challenge and started doing the work themselves, Lauren admonished her daddy to go home.

“I think I’m cramping her style,” he told me.

There’s no doubt about it – Hurricane Lauren has hit landfall in an elementary school classroom, and is ready for kindergarten.

The question now is, is kindergarten ready for Lauren?