Exercise Sends Mom on Guilt Trip

Friday, December 7, 2007

Page 11

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

Exercise Sends Mom on Guilt Trip

By J’AMY PACHECO

Is there anything the average American loves to hate as much as exercise? We all know we need it, but few of us relish the idea of getting all stinky and sweaty, knowing the effort is only good for a day.

I used to belong to one of these women’s gyms where members spend 30 minutes going around in circles, switching machines every 30 seconds. At first, I found the setup perfect for my short attention span and my less-than-stellar devotion to physical fitness.

Before long, however, I found myself driven nearly insane by women who insisted on taking whatever machine happened to be next to mine, regardless of how empty the gym was at the moment. I shut their chatty voices out, I complained to management, and finally, I quit.

I next joined a “real” gym where tough guys without jobs gathered to pump iron. I signed up because I visualized myself dropping in three or four evenings each week to take yoga classes. Unfortunately, I was so psyched out by the expert yoga-teers I viewed through the classroom windows that I never did work up the courage to join them.

Instead, I plodded along on a treadmill for a few months before losing interest. Now, the most exercise I get comes from running my mouth and jumping to conclusions.

I know I need to change. Not just because of the middle-age spread that’s taking over my chair, but because I need to set a good example for my ‘tween girl.

Although she’s almost 12, she’s a skinny little thing who is light enough that I can actually pick her up and carry her. She’s not exactly one of the couch potato kids who have health experts worried these days. But given time, she could be.

Every day, her sixth grade class goes outside to do warm up exercises before hitting the track for a mile run. She hates it so much that the thought of it makes her not want to go to school some mornings.

It’s not the 40-some degree weather in which she has to do it – her hatred of these P.E. sessions started when it was still warm outside. It’s not the idea of movement – she loves to dance, and will quite often spontaneously “bust a move” wherever she is.

What she hates is groundwork, like push ups. Her teacher is a former “Army Guy” who likes to exercise his students as if they were raw recruits dumped from a bus at boot camp. Only rain would keep them from these daily exercises.

The first few mornings, she complained of muscles that ached every time she laughed, sneezed or changed position. I assured her it was a normal part of getting into an exercise routine.

But as the weeks wore on, she complained more and more about the exercises. Then she figured something out – if she wore a dress to school, she would be exempted from doing the dreaded groundwork.

At first, I was delighted. Every year, I spend money on dresses that get worn once or twice before being replaced by jeans. But as the weather cooled, I worried about my skinny little girl freezing on her morning runs.

I bought cute little leggings trimmed with lace. Since they left only about two inches of ankle exposed to the elements, I thought these might do the trick. But within days, the teacher decreed leggings the same as pants, and she had to join the push up patrol.

Determined not to lose this battle, she insisted on going commando in the leg department, no matter how cold the weather – until this week.

As she swung her legs out of the car on a recent morning, she winced. With apparent hesitation, she asked me if I had time to return home to fetch long pants and bring them to school.

I debated. I’d spent half an hour that morning trying to persuade her to wear pants. She refused. I thought this might be a good opportunity to teach my hardheaded girl a valuable lesson.

But as I drove away, I thought about my skinny girl shivering in the cold. I worried about her getting the stomachache that always results when she’s chilled. I couldn’t bear it. I stopped at a WalMart near her school, bought a pair of sweatpants and knit gloves, and dropped them at school.

I do have an idea. If I can find someone to teach my daughter a rain dance, she’ll be able to get out of P.E. and get some exercise at the same time.

Well, that’s one conclusion down for today. And boy, do I feel the burn…