Found Child Prompts Fears of Loss

Friday, June 1, 2007

Page 15

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

Found Child Prompts Fears of Loss

By J’AMY PACHECO

I found a baby the other day.

Technically, she was a toddler. I found her at the mall, where I was having lunch with my family and she was wandering in the food court.

My sister-in-law noticed her first, and commented that she didn’t see an adult who appeared to be with her. But the food court was crowded, so we all watched as the little girl, who looked to be no more than two, toddled through the food court and headed out into the main section of the mall.

I jumped out of my seat to follow. As I passed a pretzel stand employee handing out samples, I told her the child appeared to be alone and asked if she could call someone. I momentarily felt foolish when a woman stopped at the ice cream booth, and the child stopped next to her.

Something told me to pursue the matter, though, and the woman shook her head when asked if the baby was hers. I took the little girl’s hand and led her back toward the food court, stopping in front of the pretzel stand. Two mall administrators happened to be there, and called for security.

It took about five minutes before the mother and her two teenagers got to where we waited with her child. She was grateful, and seemed to be very embarrassed.

I know kids are quick, and slippery. I realize children have a natural instinct to wander, and that a toddler the size of the one I captured at the mall has no understanding of peril.

In fact, when I held my hand out, the little girl took it without hesitation – despite the fact that she’d never seen me in her life. Having later seen her mother, I know there is no way the girl could have confused the two of us. Seeing how easily I could have slipped away with somebody’s baby made my blood run cold.

It frightened me to think how much longer it might have taken to find the child if she had not been stopped at the ice cream booth. At the corner of that booth is the main walkway for the mall, and the child could have gone from there straight into a department store, or could have made a right or left into the mall’s crowded main drag.

Thanks to my observant sister-in-law, this story came to a quick and happy ending. All too often, that’s not the case.

I cannot begin to imagine the panic and horror that a parent must feel at the moment of realization that their child is missing. I’ve only felt the momentary fright of not immediately seeing my child where I thought she would be – but it’s always been remedied by another look around or by calling her name.

I recently read a wonderful book called, “Peter Pan in Scarlet.” It’s the officially authorized sequel to “Peter Pan,” and in it, the League of Pan encounters a maze through which brokenhearted women trudge endlessly looking for the children they’ve lost. The imagery of the maze on Grief Reef, littered with the rusted remains of baby buggies, was heart wrenching. I imagine the loss of a child could drive a parent to such madness.

Thoughts like that make it hard to consider giving my own child more freedom. But she’s only a year away from middle school, and is getting to the age where she’s going to have to be able to do some things on her own.

But what, and when?

If my daughter plays with friends in the front yard, I insist on being out there, too. People call me overprotective, but the way I see it, my “good” neighborhood is only as safe as the strangers driving through it. And since my petite daughter is still small and light enough to be carried by me, I know she could easily be snatched up by someone bigger and meaner.

I’m sure the mother whose baby got away at the mall had no intention of giving her child that much freedom. I suspect it might have been a result of having been at the mall with three people who could, and should, have kept an eye on the child that made it easy for the girl to wander away. It seems that the more people there are to take responsibility, the less likely anybody is to actually do so, because there is an assumption that somebody else is handling it.

I’m doing all I can to teach my child to be smart and safety conscious, but it’s still hard to think of letting her go out into the world without parental protection — or at least another 25 pounds on her tiny frame.

But I guess all we can do is teach them what we can, send them out, and hope that if things aren’t okay, there are people who will notice and care enough to get involved.

Would you?