High Hopes for End to Ant Invasion

Friday, February 23, 2007

Page 15

AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)

High Hopes for End to Ant Invasion

By J’AMY PACHECO

There’s an old Frank Sinatra song that contains the line, “Anyone knows that an ant can’t move a rubber tree plant.”

I say, “Ha!”

Never in my life have I encountered a creature with so much drive and persistence – and that includes Amway salespeople and those who leave religious tracts on my front door.

We’d been living ant-free since we moved into our current house, three years ago in June. That came to an end last weekend when my 11-year-old shrieked that ants were coming through the back door.

She was right – a trail of the little buggers led from the back door to a point halfway between the dining room and the food-filled pantry. Fortunately, they were sidetracked from their apparent destination by a miniscule piece of a cookie they found on the floor. I was grateful to have been home to stop them, and to whoever dropped the crumb.

Because I’m married to the kind of guy who likes to pour gasoline over things he wants to get rid of, I knew I’d better handle it myself.

First, I sprayed Windex along the trail, then cleaned up the mess with a paper towel. Not all of the invaders succumbed immediately, so I ended up with ants crawling not only around the trash in my wastebasket, but up my arm. Ewww.

Next, I ran to the store and bought something I really hate to use: spray insecticide. I was reluctant to buy it for two reasons. One is that I hate spraying poison inside my home. The other is that every spray declaring itself appropriate for ants also boasts of its killing power for roaches. I despaired of having something in my cart that said “roaches” on it and running into somebody I knew at the grocery store.

But I bought it, and held my breath as I sprayed it along the outside of the back door.

I also bought several packages of ant bait. One I chose because it advertised a “quick kill” method. The other was purchased because the wording on the package left me convinced the ants would take my deadly gift to their queen, thus eliminating the whole colony.

My sensitive ‘tween read the package and pronounced the method “mean.”

“Why do you have to kill the ones in the wild?” she asked, making me feel guilty about the impending genocide. I considered pouring gasoline over the ones in the house and not using the heater or oven for a long time, but realized it would be impractical.

I found a Web site that offered “natural” methods for getting rid of ants. One contributor suggested planting mint all around the house, claiming that ants would be repelled by mint.

Ha. Last summer, a stream of ants crawled up the mint planted under my kitchen window to attempt entry. I stopped them at the screen with Windex.

Another proposed putting out a bowl containing one and a half cups Cream of Wheat cereal. The ants, it was explained, would eat the cereal, which would expand in their little tummies, causing them to explode. That sounded positively barbaric.

I also read that you could get rid of ants by leaving out a bottle of maple syrup. The ants would be attracted to the syrup, drink it, and drown happy and full. I couldn’t help wondering how many additional ants would be attracted to the liquid bounty before meeting their untimely end – and who in my family would be the first to say, “Oh, look! Syrup! Let’s have pancakes!”

In our old house, we had something we called ant chalk. I’m not sure what’s in it, because all the writing was in an Asian language. It could have been solidified plutonium for all I know, but it worked really well. Regrettably, we don’t have any of it and have no idea where to get it.

On one occasion in that house, we discovered ants had invaded our bedroom through the master bath. I was afraid to go to bed, until I read that baby powder would repel them. Feeling like I was engaging in some bizarre ritual, I sprinkled a large ring around our bed. It kept the ants away, but it made it really hard to breathe in there for a day or so.

So I say this: anyone who thinks an ant can’t move a rubber tree plant either doesn’t have a rubber tree plant, or doesn’t remember where they left it to begin with. Because those little beasties seem to be able to do just about anything they want to do.

I hope I don’t have to move…