Friday, October 6, 2006
Page 11
AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)
Nobody Listens to the Mommy
By J’AMY PACHECO
“I talk to the trees, but they don’t listen to me.
I talk to the stars, but they never hear me.
The breeze hasn’t time to stop and hear what I say.
I talk to them all, in vain.”
Lyric, “I Talk to the Trees”
Paint Your Wagon
It’s tough being the mommy. You spend years developing and fine-tuning your motherly skills, from getting everybody out on time each morning to keeping things running smoothly around the house. You cook, clean, pack lunches and backpacks, mow the lawn, sort, launder and iron clothing, provide tender loving care and Band-Aids for everybody – and work. You give direction, you give advice and you give everybody the benefit of your years of experience and wisdom.
And one day, you wake up and realize nobody listens to a darned thing you say.
I’ve known this for a long time. My husband, for example, will get up in the morning and say, “I need to take the van today.” I will remind him that I told him at least a week before and nine times since that I need the van on that day, for official Mom business.
He will look at me like I’ve spoken to him in a long-forgotten Romulan dialect, and say, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” When I remind him that I did tell him sooner and repeatedly, he will reply, “You should write these things down.”
My 10-year-old daughter, however, is the worst. On a recent morning, we rushed out to the garage a few minutes behind schedule. I realized that my petite daughter’s booster seat was in the van – which my husband was taking to work.
“Get in the back seat and sit on the driver’s side while I get your booster out of the van,” I said.
“Okay,” she replied. Seconds later, as I raced from the car to the van, she called out, “Mom! My booster seat isn’t in here!”
Duh.
So many times I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face only to have a family member suddenly stop nodding in apparent agreement and say, “Wait, what did you say?”
I can understand this happening when my daughter is watching television or a DVD, or playing online in the Virtual Magic Kingdom. How can Mom compete with Phil of the Future, the kids from “High School Musical” or 4,500 ‘tweens looking for pretend mommies, babies and boyfriends in VMK?
But sometimes, I have to compete with absolutely nothing to get my family’s attention.
I might have to call out, “Dinner!” three or four times before I have anybody at the table to eat with. When my husband eventually makes his way downstairs, he’ll usually look at the table with surprise and say, “Oh, you made dinner!”
Duh.
I know a guy who wears hearing aids and who insists his wife’s voice is too high (or too low) to be picked up by the devices. It drives his wife crazy. It would drive me crazy, too, especially since I’ve noticed the ability of his hearing aids to pick up his wife’s voice appears to be sporadic, and maybe even selective.
I know mothers can appear to be guilty of this as well. I have a good friend who loves to close herself into her walk-in pantry to enjoy a quiet moment and a cookie now and then. If her kids start looking for her, she pretends not to hear their voices.
She hears them – she just chooses not to respond.
I tried not responding once. After my daughter repeatedly ignored my attempts at conversation one day, I returned the favor. Turned out she was so wrapped up in her own little world that she didn’t even realize I was doing it.
I coined a phrase to describe this ongoing situation in my household. I look at my little family, weary sadness etched on my face and say in my best Eeyore voice, “Nobody listens to the mommy.”
They appear to feel bad for about five minutes, but the next time I open my mouth, nobody seems to hear.
I think I’ll get myself a little houseplant to talk to. It probably won’t listen, either, but at least it can’t come back with, “Did you say something?”
In the meantime, if anybody is looking for me, I’ll be in the pantry.
With my ears turned off.
Copyright 2006, Metropolitan News Company