Friday, December 16, 2005
Page 11
AT THE SIDEBAR (Column) Signs of the Season
By J’AMY PACHECO
“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…”
There are times when it’s difficult to tell how close Christmas actually is. It’s been looking a lot like Christmas around here since October, when the first department store holiday decorations went up in the local shopping mall.
But now, Christmas really is just a few days away. (Allow me to pause a moment, reflect upon Christmas Yet to Come, and tear out some hair while emitting an earsplitting, “I am SO not ready!” shriek. Thank you for your support.)
How can you tell when it’s really beginning to look a lot like Christmas? Let me count the ways.
First of all, the meat store is back in the mall. You know the one — the seasonal store that sells gift baskets of cheeses, candies, sandwich spreads and, of course, the obligatory enormous tubes of meat.
My daughter loves the meat store, and only believes the holiday is really coming when the nice lady with the plastic gloves is back, handing out tiny chunks of meat on a toothpick.
You know the holidays are coming when traffic becomes a nightmare. The streets near the local mall (which happens to sit between my house and my little girl’s school) are a disaster. It takes approximately 15 minutes to get to school at the crack of dawn. The return trip, however, made during peak shopping hours, is now taking 45 minutes — or more.
It seems like everywhere I go, I find myself looking at red taillights. Apparently everybody feels compelled to leave the area in which they live in order to shop, and drive to another shopping area while the people who live in that area drive to the first person’s area to do THEIR shopping. Can somebody explain that to me?
Not only are people driving more, they’re driving crazier. I guess all that mall rage spills over onto the roads, causing people to speed and whip in and out of lanes as though afraid other motorists will beat them to an empty piece of roadway, just like they did the last Nintendo DS in a pink case. Sheesh.
Complaining about crowds in the malls would be a holiday column cliché, so I’ll just skip that. But let’s talk about crowds showing up in unexpected places — online.
I used to think online shopping was a piece of cake. Find something you like, order it, give your credit card number to a nameless, faceless stranger, and wait for your stuff to arrive. That’s how it’s supposed to work.
Lately, though, things haven’t been so smooth. My favorite online department store has a bazillion neat items displayed on its Web site. During a recent online shopping trip, however, I learned that none of the ones I wanted were even in stock.
We’re not talking about the latest and greatest toy. We’re talking coats, blouses and a drum set. (I didn’t really want the drums, I just wanted to see if I could find something — anything — that was actually in stock. I couldn’t.)
I ordered a bunch of books and CDs from my favorite (ex-favorite, that is) online bookseller. I kept wondering where my shipment was — until I went online, checked my order status, and learned my items had been bumped to a shipping date AFTER Christmas — with absolutely no notice given.
Fortunately, a shrieking woman carries a lot of weight with that company’s customer service department, because they changed my dates and sent me an e-mail saying the package is on its way. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m feeling a little bit optimistic.
You can really tell it’s Christmas at home, because our lights are flickering. My husband’s competitive streak comes out during the holidays, and he’s in the midst of a bigger-better-brighter competition with our neighbors.
Our yard glows with increasing intensity as more lights, more reindeer, more everything is added to our outdoor display. All this electricity is apparently sucking the power grid dry, though, because last night, our lights went out inside the house when he went to “fix” a blinking reindeer. Oy.
There’s pushing and shoving everywhere to let me know that feeling of anticipation mingled with dread and panic I’ve been experiencing has its useful purpose. It’s to remind me that I only have a few days left in which to buy a bunch of gifts, wrap them, clean my house and basically get my act together.
Be sure to take some time to slow down, reflect upon the true meaning of the holidays, and find a little peace on Earth.
Just don’t do it when I’m stuck behind you, okay?
Copyright 2005, Metropolitan News Company