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AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)
Cheaters Never Prosper…or Watch TV
By J’AMY PACHECO
Nobody ever said parenting would be easy. It’s a good thing, too, because it isn’t.
Although I have what I would describe as a very well behaved child, challenges have come along fairly often. When my daughter was around two, for example, she rebelled against her car seat.I distinctly remember an incident that took place in the Post Office parking lot back then. She refused to be buckled, and every time I let go of her to buckle the straps, she locked her little body into a board-stiff position that prevented me from closing the buckles.
It was so awful and went on so long that I ended up crying and calling my husband on the cellular phone. I gave her the phone, he commanded her to sit, and we soon were on our way.
So, while things have been pretty smooth, our road hasn’t been without its bumps.
We recently hit a big one.
Checking my daughter’s homework a few nights ago, I noticed something unusual. The worksheet that caught my attention wasn’t particularly difficult — the top section contained a group of multi-digit multiplication problems, and the bottom section contained addition problems made up of stacks of three and four digit numbers.
While the first two addition problems contained penciled in figures where she’d carried her numbers, the remainder were clear except for the answers — one of which was incorrect.
I copied that problem onto another sheet of paper and asked her to rework it, watching as she wrote the numbers she’d carried into the next column. I had her do another one, and watched as she repeated her method.
I pointed out to her that most of the problems on her worksheet did not have the carrying marks, and asked why that was.
“I did it in my head,” she responded after some hesitation. I reminded her that she’d get in more trouble for lying than for just about anything else, and asked her if she’d copied the answers from somebody else’s paper.
Eyes wide, she appeared to weigh her options, then slowly nodded her head. Tears filled her eyes as she confessed to the crime of copying.
Now, this is a child who could have done the math more quickly and accurately than her mother. I asked why she’d done it, and she said she didn’t know.
“I just wanted to be done,” she admitted.
I erased the entire worksheet and made her do the math while I pondered her punishment. Halfway through the work, her head dropped and she began to sob.
She admitted to being ashamed, and said she was scared.
“Am I going to get spanked?” she asked. I admit this one threw me, for she hasn’t received a single spanking in her nine years. But since she hadn’t cheated, either, I suppose she didn’t know what would happen any more than I did.
I was devastated. This must have been apparent, because I never raised my voice. I suspect the familiar sound of Mom yelling would have been more comforting than my quiet disappointment.
I also admit I can sort of understand what would motivate a smart little kid to copy. She works very hard in school, and with state testing just around the corner, she and her classmates have been spending their days in extended math and language arts classes, which are followed by homework. I can understand why a child would take the easy way out to have a free evening.
But as I told her later, it was a bad choice. I reminded her that her actions could have landed her in the principal’s office — the elementary school equivalent to getting arrested.
I reminded her of her dream to be a Disney Imagineer, and advised her that students who cheat in college can be thrown out of school. People who take the easy way out, I emphasized, usually wind up eventually taking up residence at the Gray Bar Motel.
She was horrified, and clearly ashamed.
She re-did her homework, and wrote a letter of apology. I confess her week with no television and no computer is taking its toll on both of us.
I know it was a hard lesson for her to learn, and believe me, teaching it was no easier. But we’ll get through this the same way we do everything else — by taking one bump at a time.
It’s been said that cheaters never prosper. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but around here, they lose privileges.
And their mothers lose sleep.
Copyright 2005, Metropolitan News Company