Monday, January 5, 2004
Page 14
AT THE SIDEBAR (Column)
A New Year Can Be a Good Thing
By J’AMY PACHECO
Wow. Here we are again, perched on the edge of a new year. It seems like only yesterday I was using this column to welcome the year 2003.
Come to think of it, it may have been only yesterday. I’m not, you see, the most organized, efficient person in the world. (Did you hear that thud? I think it may have been my production room colleagues falling out of their chairs, struck by the hilarity of that understatement.)
But, hey! It’s a new year. I’m thinking that’s just one of many personal traits I can change, should I resolve to do so.
Being organized would be, to borrow some words from Martha Stewart, “a good thing.” At least, I assume it would be. I’ve never actually experienced it personally.
Then again, look how organized, efficient Martha ended up. I may be annoyingly disorganized, but I’ve never been under indictment.
I’m thinking 2004 might shape up to be a pretty good year. It definitely has potential. Here’s why:
•I received a health club membership as a Christmas gift (no, it wasn’t a hint, it was something I’d been planning to get for months but never quite got around to).
•I’ve still got seven months left on my two-park-no-off-limits-dates annual pass to Disneyland. I can’t think of too many things more fun than spending a day at The Happiest Place on Earth with my daughter, who is also my favorite theme park pal.
•I’ve only owned my car for three months. I normally get at least eight months out of a car before I’m forced to order my mechanic to take all of my money and exert heroic effort to save its life.
•I’m not Saddam Hussein.
Now, if there’s one person who is not likely to have a good 2004, it’s the former dictator who was recently found hiding in a little hole in Iraq.
He’s got some explaining to do this year—not the least of which involves how this America-reviling thug wound up surviving on two of the major food groups here in the Good ‘Ole U.S. of A.—Spam and Mars candy bars.
I almost feel sorry for him.
(Not really.)
Back to the list:
•I don’t ordinarily eat beef, so it’s unlikely that I’ll end up suffering from the human equivalent of Mad Cow Disease.
This bovine brain-busting disease invaded our shores in 2003. The bad news is according to news reports, the infected meat (now there are two words you don’t want to hear together!) apparently was distributed in as many as eight states.
The good news is that we can blame Canada. Oh, Canada…
•The energy crunch that caused many Californians to point the finger (give you one guess which finger) at former Gov. Gray Davis is apparently a thing of the past. Electricity was plentiful this year—so much so that my short cul-de-sac was filled with more holiday lights than Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
It was so cheerful that it almost made me forget how many bazillion dollars I paid toward my gas and electric bills when our energy was still crunched.
Almost.
•I’m not Gray Davis.
Although many of us blamed Gray Davis for our state’s woes, I’m not sure how responsible one guy could really be. I feel a little bit sorry for him, and can’t shake the mental picture of him spending his days browsing job listings at Monster.com.
I did, however, vote for Arnold. I thought some of our government officials could use a wake-up call. But even more important, I knew Arnold would be good for a couple of columns. I’d vote for almost anybody who would give me something to write about.
•My daughter didn’t like soccer.
Although I enjoyed coaching a team of little girls, getting up at the crack of dawn on freezing Saturday mornings was not my idea of fun. The fact that my theme-park pal freaked out at the sight of nine little girls running at her, cleats poised for kicking at anything, virtually assured me that I will get to spend Saturdays in 2004 sleeping in.
Yup, 2004 has great potential.
I’m hoping Martha gets out of it, and Saddam doesn’t. I’m hopeful Gray will find a good job, and Arnold will excel at his. I hope 2004 brings comfort and prosperity all around, safety, security, goodwill, and above all else, peace on Earth.
Now that’s what I would call “a good thing.”
Copyright 2004, Metropolitan News Company